The Best Defenses: A Medieval Guide to Birth Control

Now we all know that we must “be fruitful and multiply” and so the only real reason for sex is of course to have children but Si non caste tamen caute, literally “if not chastely at least cautiously” in other words, if you gotta do it ;) take precautions. Here are some preemptive solutions to these problems. Some of them are a bit more successful than others.

Edible Herbs:

It’s said if you eat pomegranates, juniper, rue, willow or members of the carrot family you can prevent pregnancy. It’s not fool proof. But it’s better than nothing.

Belladonna and honeysuckle are also said to work, but be careful here, you may end up accidentally poisoning yourself and while this means you probably will avoid pregnancy you also will be dead.

Consumable liquids

Sheep urine or rabbit blood appear to be fairly affective if you can stomach it. It won’t do any wonders for your breath though so make sure to give it a little time before the actual sex, or have something to freshen yourself up before you get down.

Insertions:

Soak a sponge in lemon juice, then just shove it up there. You can also use cedar oil.

Use cabbage leaves or fresh mandrake and insert them.

Wearables:

There are charms and amulets that you can use to prevent pregnancy. We particularly recommend wearing weasel testicles around your thigh or the amputated foot of a live weasel around your neck.

Afterwards:

Hop around! Right after sex move around a lot jumping and hopping, hopefully this disrupts the possibility of a fetus forming.

Make sure to pee! Maybe this will expel the semen. Rumor is it might even help prevent infections.

We’ve also heard that in Japan they use a tortoise shell or a horn to cover the penis and prevent the fluid from going up into a woman’s uterus. Less virile men also love this because it means they have a protection against the embarrassment of being unable to perform.

And it’s said that some members of the Islamic faith have a practice where the man stops before he climaxes and ejaculates on other areas. Now, this is pretty strictly against Christianity but so is all of the other stuff so go for it.

The Greeks believed that if the woman held her breath during sex and then afterwards sat with her knees bent and making herself sneeze it would expel the semen. And hey it won’t hurt! Plus the holding the breath could make it pretty intense, though of course if your man lasts longer than a minute it may get difficult. So I’m gonna hope for the sake of your pleasure this is not a very viable option for most of our readers.

If all else fails consult anyone you think might be a witch, they are well versed in these matters. And sometimes a secret birth is the best solution.

#medieval #Sextips