Who should you marry???: An outline of women's conjugal rights

Women cannot expect the same thing of everyman, but to some degree, they can choose what they want by choosing whom they marry. Men of different professions have different conjugal obligations. So, women, choose carefully, and hope your father didn’t betroth you when you were three.

I don’t really want to have sex very often; I find it more of an annoyance than a joy.

If this is your stance on sexual relations, the perfect man for you to marry is a sailor, he’ll be away from home so often that you only have to have sex every six months (and maybe even just once every two years if he has four wives!), and no worries about being taken care of while he’s away, he’s required to provide for you, and if he doesn’t you can take that case to court.

Well, I don’t want to have sex very often, but I like talking to my husband, so it would be great if he were around a little more.

Look no further than the camel-driver, this man will have sex with you, once every thirty days, so you don’t need to go for those half a year stints, but you still get to keep to yourself most of the time.

I want nice consistent but moderate sex, not too often, but with no chance of me having to abstain for a long period.

You would get along wonderfully with an ass-driver. He’ll fulfill his conjugal obligationexactly once a week, right on schedule, no chance of a surprise.

I would love it if I could have sex pretty consistently, but not all the time. I also find that I am particularly ready to go on the Sabbath. I value lots of intelligence, and don’t mind some irregularities in my conjugal schedule.

Sounds like you need to marry a disciple of the wise. These men know their Torah, that’s why they only have sex once a week, because studying the Torah often weakens them, but they still know how to get down and dirty (or rather spiritual and religious) when fulfilling your conjugal needs on the Sabbath. However, this marital bliss every Friday may not last, because if he is studying the Torah he can abstain from intercourse with you for two to three years; so consider this before you think you’ve found the perfect mate.

I want pretty regular sex, but I’d like a few breaks from my husband, I feel like he should at least have a steady job, so that I can be assured of a few hours of the day where he will be out of the house.

If this is your ideal scenario, you should marry a laborer. He will be home every night, but often tired, and so conjugal duty is not required of him every night. He will be required to perform his duty twice a week, but if he has no other wives, he can still be home with you every night, if a little worn out from weaving or laboring in some other way.

All these other women are crazy, I say you should get as much sex as you can, we only got one life to live, and I want a husband who is always ready to satisfy me. And let’s face it, I need to be satisfied a lot, I’m a woman with a large sexual appetite.

If this is the case, then you should seek out a man of independent means. He has no other job but to please you (and live according to God of course). He can support you financially and please you martially, because this guy is rich. All of this said, if he decides he wants to become a disciple of the wise, you can’t stop him, and you shouldn’t anyway, not if you have any true care for his immortal soul.

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