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THE SIN GIRL: Interviewing Eve
This is the girl you’ve been waiting for. The original woman. (Well, not quite, but let’s forget about that Lilith interlude.) That’s right this is Eve. Eve was made of Adam’s bent rib; therefore, she is well, less than perfect. Eve was made defective, but she is necessary for humanity, because men and women beget children. She was made subject to Adam, but for her own benefit, so that he might take care of her, she caused her own servile subjugation through her sin. So keeping this in mind, take her answers in the interview with a grain of salt, remember it’s Adam who was known for his intellectual capacity, women are rather weak in that area, and Eve is no different.
TA: So, Eve, what was the garden like?
E: Well, as you might guess Thomas, it was Paradise, quite literally. There were lots of wonderful tress and flowers. You know there were a lot of great trees that were in the Garden, but nowadays the only one that is remembered is that frickin’ tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
TA: Ah, yes, that one. How did that whole thing happen Eve?
E: Well, I was wandering around the Garden one day, and I came upon this beautiful tree with a fig I think hanging from it, nowadays I get very confused, the stories been passed on so much, I can’t really remember what the actual fruit was. Anyways, I came to this tree and there was a serpent in it, this was back when serpents still had legs and animals and humans could talk, and the serpent started telling me about the tree.
TA: What did it say?
E: Well, it told me that if I took a bite of the fruit, and I didn’t really know what it was, I might have
been told not to eat of the fruit and I didn’t really know what it was, I might have been told not to eat of the fruit at the center of the garden, but not by God. And it looked good and I didn’t think knowledge would be a bad thing. What is wrong with knowing the difference between good and
evil, isn't that what distinguishes man and woman from animals?!
TA: Woah, Eve, calm down,
Cover yourself in pearls and gold from head to toe. Make monks turn wish they could be like you.
Clearance. 100%off. Everything must go.
you’re behaving in a characteristically feminine manner, so irrational. E: Excuse me?
TA: So, the serpent convinced you to take the apple. He told you, you would be as God, correct? And in your pride you wanted to be like God? Which, incidentally, has nothing to do with why Adam bit of the fruit.
E: I mean, not really, I genuinely just wanted to know the difference between good and evil, I thought it would be good, and I’ll admit the serpent seduced me. I mean “s” sounds are sexy, and the serpent used a lot of those.
TA: I see you were tempted.
E: Well, yeah, isn’t that how you’ve heard it? I never made a secret of it, I felt kinda bad when that whole thing got out, Adam got a bit jealous.
TA: Speaking of Adam, what made you decide to share the fruit with him?
E: Well, I thought what the serpent was telling me was true, and it didn’t seem like eating the fruit would do any harm and seemed like it would do good, it also looked delicious. So I decided to share it with Adam, because that’s what you do when you love someone. You share with them.
TA: Well, you do of course love Adam, you are after all in a hierarchical relationship and we all know those produce more love than relationships where both partners are equal. So, know that I am not doubting your love. I’m just doubting your reasons.
E: What do you mean?
TA: Well, I frankly think you deceived Adam because you wanted him to sin with you. Either you had been won over by evil, or just wanted a partner in your crime because you are so dependent on Adam, but either way, you knew what you were getting him into and he didn’t know. You deceived him.
E: I DID NOT!
TA: Than how come you were punished so harshly, how come you are now subordinate to man and childbirth is painful?
E: I am subordinate because some men decided to write that in there and childbirth is painful because it just is. It’s hard work, besides before the fall no one found pleasure in sex; it just was there, so maybe childbirth is some of the consequence of that.
TA: Wow, Eve, you just mentioned the “S” word, that’s a little unseemly. But just like you women, always thinking about sex. You caused us all to sin and your sex drive is controllable. I don’t even know why we bothered giving you time to speak in this interview.
E: WH---(Here Eve was interrupted and taken out of the room)